Silence

It has been a long time since I wrote about silence.

I don't want to let him go. 

I don't need to speak to him. 

There is nothing to speak with him.

But I can't hang up the phone.

Because I want his presence on the phone. 

To hear the silence. The knowledge that he is alive

That he loves me

That he's there, somewhere, loving me. 

Because he still has a plastic glass I gave him two weeks ago, asking him to throw

Like in RHTDM, complete filmy style. 

Because he comes to read my blog in spite of BP being low

Because he can't hang up on me either

Because he accepts me as I am. 

Because his silence can tell me he's okay. 

Because his silence is my only healing.

Because he gives me strength, while he's dying. 

Because, in the end, all roads end in him. 

Because, I know, he will keep a tissue with him, a tissue that I wanted to cover my eyes with, so he wouldn't see me, completely and entirely, for who I am, in case he thought I was small... Too small to love. And not the summation of what he thought his life was...

The silence I share. Kept alive, in your breath. Sleep tight little doll. 

Good night.