My World Shrugged

As I sit in the coveted silence at 3 in the morning , I think my mind is experiencing an epiphany. I think about this particular thought, of my mind experiencing an epiphany. And then, I come to realise that one can only be sure of experiencing an epiphany if one is convinced that they are experiencing one. In other words, one has to convince one self that the moment is big enough in one's mind. Because the mind has a lot of power. The power to push will into thinking that nothing is big enough to move it, or to push will into thinking that every moment can move it. 

So, where was I? Yes. The divine. "Faith is a gift I am yet to receive," says Robert Langdon in Angels and Demons. Something about that line hit me yesterday, when I watched the film. I felt like I had received that gift. And it was not even as if I had wanted to receive it. It just stuck very hard, like a blow inside me and stayed there. Now, it is contributing to my epiphany. 

Right now, I think I've reached it. By awareness. (And, surprisingly, by Atlas Shrugged. I think there is something about the language of that book that frees language from itself. When I read a paragraph, it is not just eyes moving and brain maing sense of words. It is the feeling, and essence left behind those words that completes the book. It took me 20 times to figure out what exactly Ayn Rand was going on about, but I think I figured it out.) By thinking, and by finding thinking limiting. Because language is limiting. Because the intellect is limiting. Sometimes, it bothers me, that I can never get out of my own body. It seems like such a small space to be in, I feel constricted. Like the sky is suffocating. 

So now comes blankness, and the idea that I am me, that I am the divine, and that that excuse supercedes anything anyone can ever say about the world, Karma, or bad things happening to good people; because its bigger than all of that. 

Oh, and the idea that "divine" is political but "Energy" is acceptible was also superceeded. 

Tired of everything. Knowing the reason for a why.